Understanding Inner Child Healing Processes
- shaniasana
- Dec 4, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 5, 2025
Healing often feels like a strange mix of pain and relief. When you start to heal deeply, you might notice a disconnect inside, a hollow ache that feels like something is missing. This feeling is not a sign that you are breaking or failing. Instead, it is the sign that you are leaving behind old parts of yourself that no longer serve you. This post explores why healing can hurt so much and how to gently move through this disconnect toward a stronger, more authentic self.
Why Healing Feels Like Pain
The pain you feel during healing is not the pain of breaking. It is the pain of transformation. You are disconnecting from:
The old blueprint of who you had to be as a child
The emotional position you were in
The internal story your nervous system has repeated for decades
This disconnect can feel like a loss because you are letting go of something familiar, even if it caused you pain. Your emotional body is asking a difficult question: If I let go of this story, who am I now? This question can create feelings of emptiness or wobbliness.
The pain arises from perceiving the truth without the protective barrier you previously had. For example, you might come to understand that your caregiver or partner was unable to provide the emotional presence and warmth you required, or was entirely absent from your life. While this is not new information, it serves as new permission within your nervous system to finally acknowledge the truth as it is and let go of past hopes.
When an old childhood hope dissolves, even a painful one, your system feels a kind of falling or grief. The inner child grieves the loss of:
Presence
Warmth
Attunement
Someone who truly saw you
Someone who chose you emotionally
This grief leads to the question: So who holds me now? That is the disconnect you feel.
What Is Happening Inside You Right Now
Two layers move at the same time during this healing process:
The Inner Child
Experiencing a sense of loss as the hope that "perhaps one day things will finally change" begins to diminish. This hope served as a means of emotional survival rather than a form of punishment. It fades away because you are prepared to confront reality.
The Adult You
You are entering a new reality where you no longer depend on old emotional patterns. This might feel uncertain, but it also creates room for new ways of being.
Comprehending these two layers allows you to treat yourself with kindness. The disconnection isn't a failure; it's an indication of profound transformation.
How to Move Through the Disconnect
Healing is a process that requires patience and kindness. Here are some ways to support yourself:
Acknowledge the loss
Permit yourself to experience the grief without criticism. Understand that this is a component of the healing process.
Create new emotional support
Seek out individuals or activities that offer the support and comfort you require at this moment. This could include friends, therapists, or self-care habits.
Practice grounding techniques
Simple actions like deep breathing, walking in nature, or mindfulness can help you feel more stable.
Write your new story
Begin to rewrite the internal narrative that no longer serves you. Focus on who you want to be now.
Understanding Your Internal Narrative
Your internal narrative is the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you are capable of achieving. This narrative shapes your beliefs, attitudes, and ultimately your actions. If this story is filled with self-doubt or negativity, it can hinder your growth and potential.
Example of Rewriting Your Internal Narrative
Consider an individual named Sarah, who has always believed that she is not good at public speaking. This belief stems from a negative experience in high school when she stumbled over her words during a presentation. For years, Sarah avoided situations that required her to speak in front of others, reinforcing her internal narrative of inadequacy.
Identifying the Limiting Belief
Sarah recognizes that this belief is no longer serving her. She wants to be a confident and effective communicator in her career. To begin rewriting her narrative, she reflects on her strengths and past successes in other areas where she has communicated effectively, such as leading team meetings or facilitating workshops.
Creating a New Narrative
Instead of saying, "I am bad at public speaking," Sarah starts to tell herself, "I am learning to become a confident speaker." She begins to visualize herself speaking with poise and clarity, imagining the positive reactions from her audience.
Taking Action
To reinforce this new narrative, Sarah takes small steps to practice public speaking. She joins a local Toastmasters club, where she can gradually build her skills in a supportive environment. Each time she speaks, she reminds herself of her new belief and acknowledges her progress.
Conclusion
By consciously rewriting her internal narrative, Sarah not only changes her perception of herself but also opens up new opportunities for personal and professional growth. This example illustrates the power of transforming your internal dialogue to align with your current aspirations and who you want to be.
Be patient with your nervous system
Your body and mind need time to adjust to new truths and release old patterns.
Embracing Your True Self
The disconnect you feel is a doorway to your true self. When you let go of old emotional blueprints, you create space for authentic growth. This process is not easy, but it is necessary for lasting healing.
Remember, healing is not about erasing your past but about transforming your relationship with it. You are not losing yourself; you are finding yourself in a new way.
With Love
Shani
